


friendship was a mistake

by dragonsHourglass



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (pidge skipped grades bc She Smart), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Excessive use of the word fuck, Gen, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, another fucking chatfic? im so sorry, everyone else is a senior in high school, except keith who dropped out, might eventually get gay in the klance sense we'll see where this goes, so everyones their canon ages, uhh shiro and matt are in college
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 17:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12869940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonsHourglass/pseuds/dragonsHourglass
Summary: princessalluraaddedpidge, keithk, hunkgarrett,andlanceylanceto a group chat.In which Allura makes a group chat for her friends.It's another one of these. I'm sorry.





	1. [pidge voice] we dem bois

**Author's Note:**

> idk man ive been reading a lot of these and its been a while since i wrote an actual fic so i decided to make one myself, complete w unoriginal concepts and jokes and everything  
> in the future i might do some actual writing to flesh out what happens outside the chat but. idk honestly  
> im so sorry for another one of these fuckin things

**princessallura** _added_   **pidge** **, keithk, hunkgarrett,** _and_ **lanceylance**   _to a group chat._

( 4:31PM )

**lanceylance:** ur shitting me

**lanceylance:** that isnt the keith k i think it is is it

**keithk:** who are you

**keithk:** allura what the hell is this

**princessallura:** its a group chat!!

**princessallura:** for my friends

**lanceylance:**!!!!!!!!!!

**princessallura:**...for mine and pidge's friends

**lanceylance:** :(

**keithk:** ok but i dont know half these people

**princessallura:** yes but there's something called

**princessallura:**   _making friends_

**keithk:** i have friends

**pidge:** buddy u gotta make new ones

**pidge:** like

**pidge:** noah fence @myself

**pidge:** uve known me since i was like 8

**pidge** **:** and allura since like middle school

**princessallura:** and we love and treasure you always and we think you could benefit from the company of some new friends as well as old!

**princessallura:** also this way i don't have to keep switching chats im too tired

**pidge:** big mood

**pidge** _changed their name to_   **meme queen supreme**

**meme queen supreme** _changed_   **princessallura** _'s name to_ **dream queen supreme**

**dream queen supreme:** damn straight

**meme queen supreme** _changed_ **keithk** _'s name to_   **ow the edge**

**ow the edge:**??

**meme queen supreme**   _changed_ **hunkgarrett** _'s name to_ **my actual mom**

**meme queen supreme** _changed_   **lanceylance** _'s name to_ **70% leg**

**70% leg:** i wanna be a queen supreme :(

**meme queen supreme**   _changed chat name to_ **we dem bois**

**my actual mom:** lance the only kind of queen you are is a drama queen

**70% leg** _changed their name to_   **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME**

**dream queen supreme:** okay fair enough

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** HELL yeah

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** now that this issettled

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** allura

**dream queen supreme:** yes?

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** we need to TALK

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** about KEITH

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** IS THIS THE SAME ONE

**ow the edge:** do i know you???

**dream queen supreme:** the same one that what?

**my actual mom:** oh

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** THE SAME ONE THAT FUCKED ME OVER IN LIKE 5 OF MY CLASSES

**meme queen supreme:** shit i forgot abt that

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** so it IS THE SAME ONE

**ow the edge:**???????

**ow the edge:** i dont go to school anymore

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** CONFIRMED

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** MY KEITH DROPPED OUT LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH LAST YEAR

**ow the edge:** ok so how did i supposedly fuck you over??? who are you??

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** YOU MEAN YOU DONT REMEMBER?? ? ?

**my actual mom:** okay, calm down lance

**dream queen supreme:** ok hold on i need to change my name i keep getting myself mixed up w pidge

**dream queen supreme** _changed their name to_ **mouse mama**

**mouse mama:** better

**meme queen supreme:** >:/

**mouse mama:** ily pidgey <33

**meme queen supreme:** dont u ''''''ily pidgey  <33''''''' me

**mouse mama:** ILY PIDGEY <33

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** AS;DOJGHDFKJHDSGKDBSJKB

**meme queen supreme:** yes lance we see u

**mouse mama:** listen lance keith is my friend and your whole dumb rival thing was like a year ago

**ow the edge:** rival thing?

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** UNBE LIEVE ABL E

**my actual mom:** ya got an extra e in there buddy

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** SH ut YOUR F UCk

**my actual mom:** rude :(

**my actual mom:** anyway alluras right dude you should let the rival stuff go its been over a year

**ow the edge:** i have no idea what any of you are talking about

**my actual mom:** ...exactly

**ow the edge:**??

**meme queen supreme:** one time u beat lances score on a history test and did better than him in a chem lab or smth and you did better than him in pe all the time

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** WE WERE ALWAYS THE LAST ONES UP DURING THE PACER TEST, PIDGE

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** AND HE ALWAYS BEAT ME

**meme queen supreme:** we dont speak of that damn thing

**ow the edge:** didnt you trip over your own feet like twice?

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** YOU DO REMEMBER

**ow the edge:** i do now

**ow the edge:** kind of

**ow the edge:** i remember the idiot who would trip over his own feet because he was too busy trying to trash talk me during the fucking pacer test

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** NO ONE APPRECIATES ME :((((

**my actual mom:** i appreciate you

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** NO ONE BUT HUNK APPRECIATES ME :(((

**meme queen supreme:** yea that sounds abt right

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** RUDE!!!!!!!!!

**mouse mama:** so anyway

**mouse mama:** hey keith

**mouse mama:** hows ur brother

**ow the edge:** fine??

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** ooh is ur brother hot

**my actual mom:** ASDKLGHFHAD LA  NC E

**ow the edge:** yknow what lets not

**ow the edge:** but how about

 

**keithk** _to_   **takashiro**

( 5:01PM )

**keithk:** sorry not sorry

**takashiro:** what did you do this time

 

**we dem bois**

( 5:01PM )

**ow the edge** _added_   **takashiro**   _to_   **we dem bois**

**ow the edge:** ask him yourself

**mouse mama:** oh

**takashiro:** Keith.

**meme queen supreme:** SHIRO

**takashiro:** Pidge?

**meme queen supreme:** HELL YEAH

**mouse mama:** hello shiro how are you doing

**takashiro:** Allura, I'm guessing?

**mouse mama:** :3c

**takashiro:** I'm good!

**takashiro:** I was also unaware that Keith had more than two friends.

**ow the edge:** fuck you

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** smh keith dont be rude to ur brother :/

**ow the edge:** fuck you

**takashiro:** Keith, be nice to your friends.

**ow the edge:** this was a mistake

**ow the edge** _removed_ **takashiro**   _from_   **we dem bois**

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** HEY what if i wanted to get to know your brother

**my actual mom:** what so you could hit on him

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** he definitely seemed a lot nicer than YOU

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** HEY NO I WAS JUST WONDERING IF HES HOT

**ow the edge:** you dont even know how old he is

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** with the way he was typing hes gotta be older than us

**mouse mama:** hes around 25 right?

**meme queen supreme:** hes also ripped af

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** SO HE _IS_ HOT

**ow the edge:** why are you so obsessed with my brother being hot????

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** well w the way u look i figure all the goodlooking genes were used up before u

**ow the edge:** im adopted

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** oh

**my actual mom:** adsfhjkg i should not have laughed at that im so sorry

**ow the edge:** its fine i dont care

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** anyway will u guys let me be bi and thirsty in peace ://

**meme queen supreme:** when have i ever let u do anything in peace

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** good point

**mouse mama:** hey lance

**mouse mama** _sent_   **photo0743.jpg**

**mouse mama:** i have this picture of shiro playing w my mice

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** OH FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

**ow the edge:** fuck those things

**mouse mama:** watch ur fuckin mouth or ill feed you to them

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** THATS SHIRO???? THATS _THE_ _SHIRO_!!!!!!!!!

**ow the edge:** "the shiro??"

**my actual mom:** are you serious??

**my actual mom:** oh my god it is

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** I SAW A NEWS THING ABOUT HIM A FEW YEARS AGO!! RIGHT AFTER THAT ACCIDENT WHERE HE LOST HIS ARM AND I WAS GOING THRU SOME ROUGH SHIT BUT SOME OF THE STUFF HE SAID WAS SO DAMN INSPIRATIONAL AND I DEFINITELY CRIED

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** HES LIKE MY HERO

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** I CANT BELIEVE HES RELATED TO FUCKIN KEITH

**ow the edge:** im still adopted also fuck you?

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** YOU GOTTA ADD HIM BACK MAN

**ow the edge:** no

**meme queen supreme:** i got u

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** comin thru for me when i need it.........bless u pidge

**meme queen supreme** _added_ **takashiro**   _to_   **we dem bois**

**meme queen supreme:** lmao this aint for u i just like fucking with keith

**takashiro:** Language, kids.

**meme queen supreme:** ur not my dad

**takashiro:** That's correct. 

**takashiro:** I am, however, the oldest one here.

**takashiro:** I assume.

**my actual mom:** you assume right we're all babies

**ow the edge:** im 18 thats legally an adult

**mouse mama:** yeah and im also 18 but u dont see me pretending to be responsible

**my actual mom:** to be fair

**my actual mom:** you _are_ the most responsible of all of us

**takashiro:** Oh

**takashiro:** Wait

**takashiro:** I'm so sorry.

**takashiro:** I've lied to you all.

**takashiro:** I'm only 6.

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** couldve fooled me

**ow the edge:** SHUT IT SHIRO YOURE NOT 6

**takashiro** _changed their name to_   **im 6**

**ow the edge:** YOURE A GROWN ASS ADULT

**im 6:** No I'm 6

**my actual mom:** ok im lost

**ow the edge:** hes a fucking leap year baby

**my actual mom:** OH

**im 6:** Correct I am a baby I'm only 6.

**ow the edge:** YOURE 25 YOU ASS

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** stop yelling at him hes only 6!!!!!!!!

**ow the edge:** im going to toss myself off the fucking roof

**mouse mama:** keith honey no

**meme queen supreme:** this is what happens when children are left unsupervised

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** we need an ADULT

**ow the edge:** i am an adult

**mouse mama:** boi

**mouse mama:** neither of us are adults and u know it

**im 6** _added_   **mathematicsholt**

**meme queen supreme:** N   O

**im 6:** What?

**im 6:** He's an adult

**mathematicsholt:** MY BABY SISTER

**mathematicsholt:** I LOVE YOU BABY SISTER LIGHT OF MY LIFE ID DIE FOR YOU

**meme queen supreme:** ew get the fuck away from me

**mathematicsholt:** :/

**DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** TWO BROTHERS IN ONE DAY AWW YEAH

**my actual mom:** i have a question for pidge's brother

**my actual mom:** what does your name mean

**mathematicsholt:** ah im glad you asked

**im 6:** No don't encourage him

**mathematicsholt:** you see

**mathematicsholt:** my last name is Holt

**mathematicsholt:** and my first name is Matt

**mathematicsholt:** short for

**mathematicsholt:** Mathematics

**meme queen supreme:**   **@ow the edge**

**meme queen supreme:** truce

**meme queen supreme** _removed_ **mathematicsholt** _from_ **we dem bois**

**meme queen supreme** _removed_ **im 6** _from_ **we dem bois**

**ow the edge:** thank fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont think i did the pacer test in high school. only elementary and middle school? anyway fuck that thing
> 
> im not sure what to do w this thing from here but lmk if u wanna see more ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	2. in which everyones gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **mathematicsholt:** [nsync voice] BI BI BI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats up this fic has a total of 3 hits and its the first thing ive written a second chapter for in literal years

**mathematicsholt** _to_ **pidge**

( 12:02PM )

 **mathematicsholt:** let me back in

 **pidge:** what

 **pidge:** matt i stg if ur at home rn

 **pidge:** im at school like u  _should also be_

 **mathematicsholt:** 1\. no class for me today bi nch

 **mathematicsholt:** 2\. no you fool i mean that gc

 **pidge:** the one w my friends?? hell no

 **mathematics:** pls pidge im lonely

 **pidge:** u have an entire college campus of people to talk to

 **pidge:** AND SHIRO

 **mathematicsholt:** no and shiros in class

 **pidge:** not my fuckin problem

 **mathematicsholt:** it is if i make it

 **mathematicsholt:** ill tell dad u threw out the peas when he wasnt home

 **pidge:** hOW DO U KNIW ABT THAT

 **mathematicsholt:** he called me yesterday and complained about the missing peas

 **pidge:** MOM COULDA DONE IT

 **mathematicsholt:** yea but now i have proof that she didnt

 **pidge:** FUCK YOU MATTHEW

 

**we dem bois**

( 12:16PM )

 **meme queen supreme** _added_ **mathematicsholt** _to_ **we dem bois**

 **meme queen supreme:** i was blackmailed

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** MATHEMATICS IS BACK

 **mouse mama:** pidge??? queen of Having Dirt On All Of Us??? was  _blackmailed herself_???

 **mouse mama:** quick someone check if the end of the world is upon us

 **meme queen supreme:** im going to release all your mice into the woods at the park down the street from my house

 **mouse mama:** DONT TOUCH MY BABIES

 **mouse mama:** UR NOT ALLOWED ANYWHERE NEAR THEM AFTER LAST TIME

 **mathematicsholt:** wait what

 **mathematicsholt:** lmao pidge whatd u do

 **my actual mom:** one time pidge was playing with them and let one escape and it got lost

 **mathematicsholt:** holy shit

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** guess who found him again tho???

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** YA BOI DID

 **mouse mama:** lance is the only one i trust around my babies

 **ow the edge:** i dont trust those things around _me_

 **mouse mama:** ur the one that aggravated them :/

 **ow the edge:** mouse bites fucking hurt

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** its okay princess ill keep the big mean emo away from your babies

 **mouse mama:** do me a favor and never call me that again

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** but ur user is princessallura

 **mouse mama:** dont care

 **mouse mama:** just bc i call myself a princess doesnt mean you can call me one

 **mouse mama:** so fucking dont thanks

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** ok

 **meme queen supreme:** shut the fuck down

 **my actual mom:** /pats

 **my actual mom:** cmon buddy you shouldve known better

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** i know :(

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** sorry allura ur pretty and im weak

 **ow the edge:** that was the straightest thing ive ever heard

 **mouse mama:** youre forgiven i still need someone to trust w the mice

 **mouse mama:** again tho and ill kill you got it?

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** yes :(

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME:** **@ow the edge** bi tCH IM BI

 **DRAMA QUEEN SUPREME** _changed their name to_ **BItch**

 **ow the edge:** whatever

 **meme queen supreme:** lance is the straightest bi i know

 **BItch:** waht

 **BItch:** does that even mean

 **meme queen supreme:** u only flirt w girls???

 **BItch:** ID OPENLY FLIRT W GUYS TOO IF THE WORLD WASNT A GIANT ASSHOLE

 **BItch:** I CANT BC HOMOPHOBIA

 **BItch:** biphobia?

 **BItch:** both tbh

 **meme queen supreme:** u know what that makes sense and i rescind my previous statement

 **meme queen supreme:** u are a v bi bi

 **my actual mom:** seriously you guys should hear him talk about boys sometime

 **mathematicsholt:** [nsync voice] BI BI BI

 **mouse mama:** well idk about boys but im always here to talk about girls tbh

 **BItch:** YOU LIKE GIRLS???

 **mouse mama:**...i thought that was obvious

 **BItch:** OH

 **BItch:** HELLLLLL YEAH

 **BItch:** another not straight friend

 **my actual mom:** bro i dont think any of us are straight?

 **my actual mom:** actually i cant speak for matt but

 **mathematicsholt** _changed their name to_ **disaster bi**

 **disaster bi:** lmao

 **BItch:** OH BIG MOOD

 **my actual mom** _changed their name to_ **functioning pan**

 **functioning pan:** lemme get in on this meme

 **BItch:** im so proud ((':

 **meme queen supreme** _changed_ **ow the edge** _'s name to_ **disaster gay**

 **meme queen supreme** _changed_ **mouse mama** _'s name to_ **distinguished lesbian**

 **meme queen supreme** _changed_ **BItch** _'s_ _name to_ **disaster bi jr**

 **meme queen supreme** _changed their name to_ **disaster ace**

 **disaster bi:** We Are All Disasters

 **distinguished lesbian:** do i look like a disaster to u, holt

 **disaster bi:** i have no idea what u look like but no maam

 **distinguished lesbian:** thought so

 **disaster bi jr:** if im disaster bi jr does that make matt my dad

 **disaster bi:** SON

 **disaster bi jr:** DAD

**disaster bi** _changed their name to_ **DAD**

**disaster ace:** matthew dont make me kick u again

 **DAD:** how many times to i have to tell u

 **DAD:** my name is not matthew

 **disaster ace:** THIS JOKE IS OLDER THAN OUR ACTUAL DAD SHUT UP

 **disaster bi jr:** oh fuck rip mr holt

 **DAD:** katherine pigeon gunderson-holton

 **DAD:** be nice to lances grandfather

 **disaster bi jr:** **oh fuck rip grandpa pidges dad

 **disaster ace:** i hate all of u

 **functioning pan:** will you still hate me if i make you cookies?

 **DAD:** i need support i cant handle being a single parent

 **disaster ace:** peanut butter?

 **functioning pan:** :)

 **disaster ace:** hunk is my only friend

**DAD** _added_ **takashiro** _to_ **we dem bois**

**DAD** _changed_ **takashiro** _'s name to_ **MOM**

**MOM:** Nope

**MOM** _changed their name to_ **shiro**

**DAD:** :((

 **DAD:** but how am i supposed to support my son w/o my wife

 **shiro:** I was never your wife in the first place

 **disaster bi jr:** but mom!!!!

 **shiro:** We are not doing this

 **disaster bi jr:** :(((

 **DAD:** :'(

 **shiro:** Okay I have a serious question though.

 **shiro:** Has Keith said anything here recently? 

 **distinguished lesbian:** not for a while

 **distinguished lesbian:** is he ok?

 **shiro:** I don't know

 **shiro:** He came home from a walk a little bit ago but he went straight to his room and locked the door

 **shiro:** He only does that when he's upset, so I was wondering if he's said anything

 **functioning pan: @disaster gay** hey man you okay?

 **disaster bi jr:** aaand nothing

 **shiro:** I'll go see if he'll talk to me.

 **disaster ace:** hey keith u better be ok or ill kick ur ass

 **disaster ace:** or we can binge x files again ur choice

 **shiro:** he didn't answer the door but i think i heard a meow

 **shiro:** HE BROUGHT HOME A CAT

 **disaster gay:** im good

 **distinguished lesbian:** holy shit keith

 **functioning pan:** did you try and keep the cat secret from your brother who i guess you live with?

 **disaster gay:** i dont know

 **disaster bi jr:** SEND US PICTURES YOU FOOL

 **disaster ace:** ^^^

 **disaster gay** _sent_ **photo0047.jpg**

 **disaster gay** _sent_ **photo0048.jpg**

 **disaster gay** _sent_ **photo0049.jpg**

 **distinguished lesbian:** AAAAAAAA THATS A REALLY PRETTY CAT

 **functioning pan:** awwwwwwwwww!!!

 **disaster bi jr:** FL O O F!!!!!

 **disaster ace:** fukc

 **disaster bi jr:** I WAN N A P E T

 **DAD:** sorry shiro next time i come over im spending the whole time with keiths cat

 **shiro:** That cat is a jerk

 **functioning pan:** does it have a name yet?

 **disaster gay:** his name is prince lotor and yes hes an absolute asshole

 **disaster bi jr:** prince l ot or wt f that sounds like a bad 80s anime villain

 **disaster gay:** fuck you

 **shiro:** Why is everyone assuming we're keeping this cat

 **disaster gay:** IM N O T GIVING HIM UP

 **shiro:** I know you don't want to, Keith. We have to check with the landlord and the building's pet policy, first.

 **disaster gay:** fuck that

 **distinguished lesbian:** hey buddy your asshole cat might be really pretty but if you bring him anywhere near my mice im tearing both him and you apart

 **disaster gay:** DONT YOU DARE TOUCH HIM

 **disaster ace:** concept: we put alluras mice, prince lotor, and bae bae in a room together

 **distinguished lesbian:** BAD CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **disaster gay:** KEEP YOUR GROSS DOG AWAY FROM PRINCE LOTOR

 **disaster ace:** ok ok jeez

 **disaster bi jr:** WAIT PIDGE U HAVE A DOG??

 **DAD:** um actually hes my dog but ok :/

 **disaster ace:** fuck u hes mine now that u left

 **disaster bi jr:** im going to ur house to pet ur dog

 **disaster bi jr:** and as much as i dont wanna go to keiths house...........:// i do wanna pet his cat

 **disaster gay:** like im letting you near him??

 **shiro:** Getting near Prince Lotor is not recommended unless you're wearing protective gear.

 **shiro:** He's moody.

 **disaster ace:** like pet like owner

 **disaster bi jr:** aww just like his dad

 **disaster bi jr:** eyy nice pidge same thought

 **disaster ace:** not really

 **disaster ace:** i dont ever wanna picture keith as a dad

 **disaster gay:** thats fair

 **disaster gay:** kids fucking suck

 **functioning pan:** N O I LOEV KIDS

 **disaster bi jr:** KIDS ARE GREAT FUCK YOU

 **disaster bi jr:** me n hunk are gonna be the best dads

 **DAD:** :/

 **disaster bi jr:** ***2nd best dads

 **DAD:** damn straight

 **shiro:** Matt, don't even pretend to be straight.

 **DAD:** damn bi

 **shiro:** There we go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just love the idea of asshole cat lotor okay
> 
> also shoutout to my friend em who helps me w ideas and supports this dumb thing iD DIE FOR U EM ILY


	3. tag yourself im keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( 2:52PM )
> 
> **disaster gay:** i just woke up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think ill be continuing this thing for at least a little longer but dont expect any regular updates plea s e

**we dem bois**

( 12:13PM )

**disaster ace:** if i have to write one more essay im gonna kms

**distinguished lesbian:** god me too

**functioning pan:** ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**disaster bi jr:** wait someone pls tell me we didnt have essay hw in any class

**functioning pan:** if we did then im just as fucked as you are

**distinguished lesbian:** cant say anything for the classes we dont both have but i think ur good

**disaster bi jr:** thank fuck

**disaster bi jr:** i have the pre calc test next and i think im gonna cry

**DAD:** lmao

**DAD:** high school

**DAD:** i remember when i too thought high school finals were tough

**shiro:** Matt be nice

**shiro:** they dont have anything to compare it to

**disaster ace:** hey fuck you were suffering

**shiro:** I dont think I've slept in three days

**DAD:** SHIrO

**DAD:** even i slept last night and i dont sleep smh

**distinguished lesbian:** i mean mood tho

**shiro:** Allura you better be sleeping enough

**shiro:** I will call Coran dont test me.

**distinguished lesbian:** yes dad

**DAD:** excuse me

**disaster ace:** matt ur the least dadly person i know

**DAD:** IM PLENTY DADLY

**distinguished lesbian:** idk u v well but im trusting pidge on this one

**DAD:** exc SU E ME

**disaster ace:** 'sue me' fine maybe i will

**disaster bi jr:** DONT BADMOUTH MY DAD

**DAD:** thank u son

**disaster bi jr:** <333

**functioning pan:** class is about to start for us so if any of us in this damn school says anything else here before school is out im not letting you near the celebration cupcakes im gonna make

**disaster ace:** but i dont even have a final this period

**functioning pan:** DONT DISTRACT THE REST OF US

**DAD:** GOOD LUCK KIDDOS

**disaster ace:** ur sound shouldnt even be on in the first place how would i distract u

**shiro:** Just let them have their space, Pidge

**shiro:** You shouldnt be on your phone in class anyway.

**disaster ace:** whatever

 

**we dem bois**

( 2:52PM )

**disaster gay:** i just woke up

**DAD:** chr is t i wish that were me

**shiro:** H

**shiro:** How long did you sleep

**disaster gay:** like 14 hours or something

**DAD:** I WISH THAT WERE ME

**shiro:** holy shit, Keith

**disaster gay:** shiro youre on your way back from class soon right

**shiro:** Yes

**disaster gay:** bring me food

**shiro:** No

**shiro:** Don't be lazy

**disaster gay:** im hungry but prince lotors sleeping on my chest i cant get up

**shiro:** I'm coming straight home and taking a damn nap

**disaster gay:** fuck you

**shiro:** Guess you'll have to starve

**DAD:** fucking savage

**disaster bi jr** _changed their name to_ **WINNER**

**WINNER:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**DAD:** u ok son

**WINNER:** i needed to scream somewhere

**WINNER:** in a minute of spontaenious rationality i decided the school parking lot is not the best place

**distinguished lesbian:** aww look at lance using big words

**disaster gay:** probably would have had a better effect if he spelled 'spontaneous' right

**WINNER:** eat a dick mullet

**WINNER:** do you even still have the mullet

**disaster gay:** by this point i'll eat anything

**disaster ace:** yes he does

**disaster gay:** god i hate you both

**shiro:** Can I ask what you won

**WINNER:** FINALS

**distinguished lesbian:** lance you cant really win a test

**WINNER:** i can cuz i did

**WINNER:** i won the FUCK out of that pre calc exam

**WINNER:** which means i think i got like a c

**functioning pan:** you always do better than you think you did!! so i bet you did really well

**distinguished lesbian:** so ive been thinking

**WINNER:** ilu hunk

**disaster ace:**?

**disaster gay:** i dont think i like it when allura thinks

**functioning pan:** ilu2 buddy <3

**distinguished lesbian:** dont be rude, keith :/

**distinguished lesbian:** anyway we should all hang out over break who tf is leaving for family or whatever and when

**WINNER:** Y ES

**functioning pan:** ill be out of town for like 4 days around christmas but otherwise i should be free!

**WINNER:** xmas is always hosted at my house so i'm home!!

**WINNER:** but also my extended family will be there for a long time

**disaster gay:** when do i do anything ever

**DAD:** pidge and i usually dont go anywhere either

**disaster ace:** WHO SAID YOU WERE INVITED

**distinguished lesbian:** oops i forgot matt and shiro were in this chat for a hot second

**distinguished lesbian:** theyre invited too then!!

**distinguished lesbian:** im not aboutta make plans in front of someone and tell them they cant come

**distinguished lesbian:** plus

**distinguished lesbian: @DAD @shiro** in return i expect dirt on your siblings

**disaster ace:** ALLURA I TRUSTED YOU

**disaster gay:** the fuck has shiro not told you already anyway he loves embarrassing me

**shiro:** I could probably come up with something she doesn't know

**DAD:** **@distinguished lesbian** deal

**disaster gay:** fuck

**disaster ace:** fuCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey em. ily


	4. why is coming up w nicknames so hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **disaster ace:** this gc is cancelled  
>  **disaster ace:** especially matt and lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an update? wild
> 
> its been a hot minute and ive got literally no planned plot for this so i recognize the disconnect between the last chapter and this one and ive elected to not care

**we dem bois**

( 3:22PM )

 **WINNER:** hello im here to ruin the way everyone sees hunk

 **WINNER:** never

 **WINNER:** EVER

 **WINNER:** let him get road rage when hes driving u somewhere

 **WINNER:** ive never heard so many swears in my LIFE

 **functioning pan:** what can i say man

 **functioning pan:** someone tailgates me i'll kill them

 **distinguished lesbian:** that seems fair

 **disaster gay:** allura you say that because youre not any better

 **distinguished lesbian:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **WINNER:** okay see i expect that from allura

 **WINNER:** and by this point i expect it from hunk bc ive known him for a million years

 **WINNER:** but im trying to prove to u that

 **WINNER:** despite him being perfect in every way

 **WINNER:** he isnt the angel u all prob think he is

 **functioning pan:** i appreciate it, buddy, but you just contradicted yourself

 **WINNER:** YOU CAN BE PERFECT AND NOT AN ANGEL

 **WINNER:** me for instance

 **WINNER:** im beautiful and charming and smart and  _perfect_

 **WINNER:** but mmmmm shiros thighs

 **shiro:** Uh

 **disaster gay:** st o p

 **DAD:** i second the notion about shiros thighs

 **disaster ace:** EW

 **disaster gay:** youve never even met shiro in real life, lance

 **WINNER:** to quote our lord and savior allura

 **WINNER:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **distinguished lesbian:** thank you

 **shiro:** So, anyone got something else to talk about?

 **DAD:** shiros butt

 **disaster gay:** end my life

 **shiro:** mine too, please

 **disaster ace:** this gc is cancelled

 **disaster ace:** especially matt and lance

 **functioning pan:** SUBJECT CHANGE

 **functioning pan:** if lance is calling me out for my driving habits im calling him out

 **functioning pan:** does he know what a stop sign is???????

 **functioning pan:** does he know what a yellow light means??????????

 **functioning pan:** does he know what a speed limit is????????????????

 **WINNER:** i like to think im efficient

 **functioning pan:** efficient at getting yourself killed maybe

 **WINNER:** im not dead yet ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **disaster ace:** u dont know true fear until ur in the car w keith driving

 **disaster gay:**??? im really good though

 **shiro:** you are but you're also super reckless

 **disaster gay:** okay but im good at it

 **disaster ace:** fair

 **distinguished lesbian:** did yall know that shiro cant drive

 **shiro:** i have one arm, Allura

 **distinguished lesbian:** my point is that you have to get ur baby brother to drive you places

 **shiro:** I don't see how that's a problem if i love my baby brother and treasure the time i spend with him

 **disaster gay:** ugh can we go back to objectifying you

 **WINNER:** can we just

 **WINNER:** take a minute

 **WINNER:** to appreciate

 **WINNER:** allura saying yall

 **disaster ace:** keith ur rubbing off on her

 **disaster gay:** when have i literally ever said yall in my life

 **disaster ace**   _changed_ **disaster gay** _'s name to_ **yeehaw y'all**

 **yeehaw y'all:** OH FUCK OFF

 **yeehaw y'all:** you make the mistake of telling someone your dead dad was from texas  _once_

 **DAD:** one time i drove high

 **distinguished lesbian:** asdgdhjk

 **WINNER:** SDGHJSFDSFD

 **shiro:**   _matthew_

 **disaster ace:** holy shit im gonna tell mom

 **DAD:** i was wrong!! ive never driven high in my life (:

 **DAD**   _changed their name to_ **good boy**

 **WINNER:** kinky

 **shiro:** matthew please

 **disaster ace:** oh my god,,, ,

 **functioning pan:** somehow it's extremely easy to believe that you're pidge's brother

 **disaster ace:** BETRAYAL??

 **disaster ace:** im nothing like him

 **good boy:** pidge

 **good boy:** u literally cut ur hair and stole my old glasses after i left for college and now u look like a mini me

 **disaster ace:** a decision i regret every day

 **disaster ace:** i miss my ponytail

 **good boy**   _changed_ **disaster ace** _'s name to_   **mini-matt**

 **mini-matt:** also u GAVE me those glasses you fuck

 **WINNER:** are u telling me that pidge doesnt need glasses

 **mini-matt:** nah

 **mini-matt:** i put fake lenses in matts old pair after he got laser eye surgery

 **WINNER:** whoa sick

 **WINNER:** but also Why

 **mini-matt:** gotta have that Aesthetic

 **mini-matt:** OH FUCK YOU MATT I JUST NOTICED MY NAME

 **good boy:** (:

 **distinguished lesbian:** why are the bis in this gc so useless

 **WINNER:** fuCKIGN

 **WINNER:** rude

 **yeehaw y'all:** but true

 **WINNER:** fair

 **good boy:** ):

 **mini-matt:** matt if u continue w the emotes going the wrong way im going to slaughter u

 **good boy:** ))): pwease dont

 **mini-matt:** die

 **distinguished lesbian:** you are only serving to prove my point, matthew

 **good boy:** why does everyone keep using my full name why am i being attacked like this

 **mini-matt:** matthew

 **shiro:** Matthew

 **yeehaw y'all:** matthew

 **functioning pan:** matthew

 **distinguished lesbian:** matthew

 **WINNER:** matthew

 **good boy:** s to p

 **shiro** _changed_ **good boy** _'s name to_   **matthew**

 **matthew:** :/

 **matthew**   _changed_ **shiro** _'s name to_ **takashi**

 **takashi:** ok

 **WINNER** _changed_   **yeehaw y'all** _'s name to_   **keithjamin**

 **keithjamin:** what the fuck

 **WINNER:** full name

 **keithjamin:** keithjamin isnt a name

 **WINNER:** yes it is!! its urs :)

 **matthew**   _changed_ **mini-matt** _'s name to_ **katelyn**

 **katelyn:** my name is katherine you half eaten pinecone

**WINNER** _changed their name to_ **lancito**

**functioning pan:** lance we all know your name is just lance

 **lancito** _changed_   **functioning pan** _'s name to_   **hunkathan**

 **hunkathan:** this is my full name tho

 **lancito:** :)!!!

 **lanctio**   _changed_ **distinguished lesbian** _'s name to_   **allurelle**

 **allurelle:** this is just sounds like you mashed mine and my cousin romelle's names

 **lancito:** maybe i did

 **lancito:** except i didnt bc its ur full name

 **allurelle:** sorry, youre right

 **keithjamin:** half of these arent even names

 **matthew:** dont be fucking rude keithjamin

 **keithjamin:** i hate literally all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have literally no idea what im doing with this fic yall
> 
> also.......blows a kiss @ em


	5. the one where they talk about zelda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **takashi:** is twilight princess the one where Link does shirtless sumo wrestling?  
>  **lancito:** oh my god  
>  **lancito:** it IS  
>  **katelyn:** KEITH YOU FUCKING GAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt even intend for this chapter to be 80% a conversation about zelda,, it just,, happened
> 
> also lance's story at the beginning is me i did that

( 8:22PM )

 **matthew:** quick everyone tell me smth cool u did this week

 **takashi:** i drank like 7 cups of coffee in the span of 12 hours and my home is the astral plane

 **keithjamin:** holy fuck

 **allurelle:** i tried my godfather's disgusting excuse for some kind of homemade alcohol

 **allurelle:** and now the house smells terrible

 **katelyn:** where do i sign up to try coran alcohol

 **hunkathan:** pidge no you're like 12

 **katelyn:** im 11 so shut the fuck up :/

 **allurelle:** trust me pidge u  _don't_ want to try it

 **allurelle:** it tasted like. hot dog water

 **keithjamin:** hot ham water

 **allurelle:** yes

 **lancito:** i saw the phrase shrimp dick and got curious if shrimps have dicks so i googled it like straight up put "do shrimps have dicks" into google and i found like this essay on shrimp reproduction and i read the whole thing but my dumb brain didnt process a single word of it so i can tell you that someone definitely wrote a paper on shrimp sex but i still dont know if they have dicks

 **matthew:** im

 **katelyn:** holy shit?????

 **hunkathan:** lance

 **hunkathan:** buddy

 **hunkathan:** i have so many questions

 **keithjamin:** w h y

 **lancito:** shits how it be sometimes

 **allurelle:** sometimes im glad im both not your mother and i dont have access to your browser history

 **lancito:** ;)

 **allurelle:** thats not a good omen for what may or may not be in there

 **lancito:** ;) ;) ;)

 **matthew:** anyway none of u were helpful i needed to impress a cute girl but i didnt do anything this week except fall asleep and drool on my homework and finish oot for the 420th time

 **matthew:** and shes gone now ):

 **allurelle:** useless bi

 **takashi:** oot?

 **matthew:** ocarina of time jeez i though u were a nerd like me :/

 **takashi:** I've never actually played a Zelda

 **takashi:** i used to watch Keith play a couple but i dont know which ones they were

 **matthew:** shiro

 **takashi:**?

 **matthew:** u did not just say those words to me

 **takashi:**???

 **matthew:** "ive never played zelda"

 **takashi:** i'm sorry?

 **matthew:** were playing as many together as possible as soon as possible

 **lancito:** PLAY WIND WAKER ITS THE BEST ONE

 **hunkathan:** lance that's so incorrect

 **lancito:** no!!! everybody hates the style but idk why its so cute

 **lancito:** also!!! i want a boat thats also a grandpa

 **hunkathan:** okay i do love the style a lot and i  _do_ really like it i just don't think its the best

 **matthew:** ww is a solid choice for a fav tbh

 **allurelle:** i like majora's mask the best

 **matthew:** also solid

 **katelyn:** link to the past is the best you fucking heathens

 **keithjamin:** twilight princess

 **katelyn:** keith you fucking emo

 **keithjamin:** and allura's fine for majoras mask?? which is arguably edgier???

 **allurelle:** no, twilight princess is edgier. majora is just creepier

 **katelyn:** yeah exactly

 **takashi:** is twilight princess the one where Link does shirtless sumo wrestling?

 **lancito:** oh my god

 **lancito:** it IS

 **katelyn:** KEITH YOU FUCKING GAY

 **keithjamin:** thats not why its my favorite!

 **takashi:** one time i walked into the living room and an 11 yr old Keith was sitting there staring at shirtless link's chest instead of actually playing

 **keithjamin:** stop exposing me

 **hunkathan:** you can also be shirtless in breath of the wild and it's better because you can be shirtless  _and_ pantsless  _whenever you want_

 **hunkathan:** and also you can cook and there are cool dragons and you can buy a house

 **lancito:** YEAH BOTW IS RLY GOOD TOO

 **hunkathan:** you just want to fuck sidon

 **lancito:** so what if i do huh????? got a problem?????

 **katelyn:** hey quick question can you idiots stop thirsting after bunches of pixels

 **allurelle:** i want urbosa to step on me

 **katelyn:** no i trusted you allura

 **allurelle:** midna in her true form could also have her way with me if she wanted

 **katelyn:** sto p tainting my childhood memories!!! fucking gross!!

 **matthew:** pidge u know everyone here too well to think thats gonna happen

 **katelyn:** nasties!!!!!!

 **hunkathan:** anyway, matt you said that ocarina is your favorite zelda?

 **matthew:** i never said that

 **allurelle:** what is, then?

 **matthew:** faces of evil

 **allurelle:** oh

 **hunkathan:** oh god no

 **lancito:** it sure is boring around here!!! :^)

 **keithjamin:** die

 **katelyn:** okay but matt and i actually had those games as kids and dad broke the cdi when he tried to play it bc he got so frustrated

 **keithjamin:** why the fuck did you have those games

 **matthew:** i asked for them for xmas i think

 **hunkathan:** matt please tell me faces of evil isn't actually your favorite

 **matthew:** lmao no id rather die of course my fav is oot

 **lancito:** the cdi games are masterpieces and you guys just dont know what art is

 **keithjamin:** i just showed shiro some of the cutscenes and hes laughing so hard he fell out of his chair

 **keithjamin:** hes on the floor now

 **keithjamin**   _sent_   **photo0054.jpg**

**allurelle:** this is the single funniest image ive ever seen in my life

 **takashi:** oh god i cant breathe

 **takashi:** matt im so disappointed that you don't have the console anymore i want to play it

 **matthew:** i may not but i think i can figure something out ;)

 **takashi:** thank you

 **hunkathan:** and im disappointed that the cdi games are going to be shiro's first zeldas

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so my personal fave is tp bc it was the first one i played and its helped me thru a lot and also midna's true form was legitimately my gay awakening. botw is the best zelda overall tho imo. and ww is the best that sticks to the 'zelda formula'
> 
> and heres my customary shout out to em....... ilu


End file.
